Women In Black

Internal Battles, Quiet Strength | A Conversation on Healing & Becoming

• WIB • Season 1 • Episode 13

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In this episode of Women in Black, we open up about the quiet battles that shape who we become. From motherhood and faith to mental health and rediscovering peace after survival mode, we share what it really takes to heal from the inside out.

We talk about growing up too soon, carrying invisible weight, and learning that kids and adults alike go through things that deserve compassion and conversation.

✨ In this episode we talk about:

- Healing after burnout, loss & life’s pivots
- The balance between strength & softness
- How internal struggles shape emotional growth
- Why empathy for kids (and your inner child) matters
- Rewriting your story and allowing grace to guide you

🖤 Women in Black is for the women who do it all — and are learning to do it softer.

💬 Tell us your story in the comments — What quiet strength are you learning to honor?

Follow Us:
IG: @WeAre.WomenInBlack | @DezDoesItAll | @SaySomethin_Josh 
FB: @WomenInBlack



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SPEAKER_01:

There's always a younger me out there struggling and not can't see the future. But I tell you what, if you just hold on and you stay true to who you are, because it's never what they call you, it's what you answer to.

SPEAKER_02:

I know that's so you just stay true to who you are when people say kids don't go through things. I hate when people say that. Because whether you're fighting off the demons from generations before or or whatever, people go through stuff. Um one of my battles in life has been that neurodivergent thing.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Because people don't a lot of people don't get it. They don't understand it now. It's become such a trend and a fact that people don't understand like how hard you had to work to get to free.

SPEAKER_01:

He looked at me and she said, I see something in you that I don't think you see in yourself. He said, You are gonna go, I'm getting chills right now. I'm thinking about it. He said, You are gonna go so far in HR, and you don't you only here for a front desk reception position. Thank God for those people obedient to what God tells them. Oh, and next thing you know, then I'm here.

SPEAKER_02:

I used to skip school. I used to leave school and I go to the library. I would go to the library teaching myself, honestly. And I would I wasn't honest with my mom about it. I wasn't honest with anybody about it, because I felt like they expected me to be smart. And so when um I was skipping school my senior year, they basically said, you got A's and B's, but if you don't come to school, you ain't gonna graduate, right? And so I told my mom, I was like, just let me take the GD then because I can't go back. And she liked it, lost her mind.

SPEAKER_03:

Woman in Black is where we put down the cape and pick up the mic, being authentically who we are, where we are, unmasked, unfiltered, and unapologetic. Hi guys.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh God, why I'm starting like this. But anyway, you starting. I'm starting. But yeah, so quick check-in. My week was okay. It was it was actually pretty good. I learned a lot about myself because I'm on this journey right now. I learned a lot about myself, it was cool. I I enjoy exploring different things that bring me calm and bring me peace. Um, and last night though was hectic. Last night was Halloween. Um, I don't celebrate in the sense of whatever other people think Halloween is with seances and devil worshiping and stuff, but my mind is so far like into let's get this candy, that I don't really look at it and view it the same way. Any opportunity I have to bring joy to the kids, have a movie night or have something like that, I usually take it. So, you know, my my soul isn't that sensitive where certain things like that disrupt it. Um, as long as it's not demonic, I'm usually good. But yeah, so I enjoy last night making the kids happy, with them get candy and saying hi to my neighbors because I stay in my neighborhood. So that's my opportunity to really converse with my neighbors, be having new ones popping up and stuff. I'm like, oh who they or look at this decoration. Wow, y'all went all out. Oh, nice lawn. Give me your routine. Like, that's where my mind was going. But anyway, how was your week? How you doing, my sis?

SPEAKER_01:

My week was ridiculous. Crazy. Yeah, it was crazy. My work week was crazy. I had kids, always got um, and then I looked in the mirror and I didn't like who was looking back at me. To be honest. Like, if we're gonna be honest, let's be honest. I noticed that I have gained probably about 20 pounds. Yeah, and I don't like that. Y'all can say this is our grown-up weight, this no, this ain't my weight. So I've decided instead of complaining about it, I'm gonna do something about it. So other than that, it's been chill, but it was really hectic.

SPEAKER_02:

My days felt like now my evenings are much more hectic than my days. Or not, actually. Sometimes it just keeps going for the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. But because I'm in a um a discovery phase of certain things, so I'm like, I get hyper focused and I'm like, gotta figure this out. Thinking the brain type stuff. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, man. Well, how you feeling today? You good? You you wanna take the rest of the weekend to rest?

SPEAKER_01:

No, I don't need no rest. I'm gonna be in that gym.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, that too. But I know what you mean by like looking back. Like that's my biggest, that has been my biggest issue after having my last two kids. Actually, like just like, oh shoot. Then you know what I'd be going through with my stomach. So I'm like, yo.

SPEAKER_01:

What happened to me was I used to, when I worked in Center City, I took public transportation. So I always was walking.

SPEAKER_00:

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_01:

All day long. Now where I work at in the city, I bet not be taking no public transportation down there. Oh no. So that's where I went wrong. But don't worry, don't worry. And I'm not trying to be like all skinny and tone, but I ain't about to be over here just constantly gaining weight and not doing nothing.

SPEAKER_02:

Right, right. Just a little bit of movement. Even what they say, like 20 or 30 minutes a day is is big. And if you're doing lifting like two to three times a week, could really improve things.

SPEAKER_01:

I gotta leave the bread alone because it tastes so good. And pasta.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you do you do intermittent fasting or have you tried intermittent fasting?

SPEAKER_01:

I've tried it before, but I gotta get back on to two smoothies a day. That's that's what gets me going. Okay. Two smoothies, one meal and two smoothies. Like Okay. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

That works for you. If our digestive system um time to repair itself, too. Um, one thing that also uh has helped me is something called L-glutamine. Um, take it uh in the morning before you eat anything. It uh helps with the um the gut brain axis, so it regulates your mood and it also helps repair your gut lining. So you know, you know, I'll be known about the supplements and the herbs and stuff. So uh I'll text you so you can look into it, see if you think it's something that will help you. But um that alone You have to get some L-glutamine. Yeah, that alone helps because um some people have like undiagnosed gut, which is one thing. But also our microbiome in our gut has been uh so bad for so long, like whether it's processed food, fast food, that it just hasn't had time to prepare. So between not eating solids with your smoothies, that's gonna help not just what you put in your smoothies, but the fact that you're replacing something liquid, yeah, um instead of the solid.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's where I am.

SPEAKER_02:

That's great though. I'm I'm proud of your journey. I need to stick to mine. I always know.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's consistent, it's it's consistent. Like, that's all it is. You just gotta be consistent. But I need to be consistent and discipline if I'm going to this next level.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I got a time. You know, my where I be um would knock me off track with my routine is I'll be trying to do too much at one time. So yeah, that should focus.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

That's you know how to decision change football coming to an end. God is good. Focus on ourselves a little bit. Right. These kids.

SPEAKER_01:

We're gonna jump right into it. Because everybody, so we've been we've been podcasting since August 15, 2025. And I told Desiree maybe like two weeks ago. I was like, by the end of the month, we're gonna have like we're gonna have a thousand subscribers on YouTube. And what we got, girl? A thousand subscribers. No, we don't got a thousand, a thousand and thirteen. And it's probably more about so to our subscribers, to everyone who likes, to everyone who doesn't like, to everyone who shares, to everyone who comments. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02:

And then we have over a hundred people who just downloaded our podcast onto their phone.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. So we thank you guys so so much. Like, thank you so much. It's not in vain, but some of y'all do want to hear what we what we got to say, right? And some of y'all just want to be there to just be pains and are you know what's. But we appreciate that. We appreciate that. Yeah, um, and with that being said, of course, you're subscribing, you're liking, you're sharing. You feel like you know us, but you want to know a little bit more. So today, like, let's just get into like a little bit of our story. Sounds like I think they deserve that. Thousand subscribers.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So get into it. So, what's your story, girl?

SPEAKER_02:

When I'm asked that question, it's so hard to lead with because naturally I go to the trauma. And it's like, oh wow, but God has done so many great things too. And so that balance to try to figure out, oh, well, what do I lead with? Like, who is Dez? And I'm gonna tell y'all right now, I'm multifaceted. Don't try to put me in a box because Dez does it all for real. But um I moved from suburbs to the city when I was like six years old. And so I went from a town where the only people in my class that look like me were my relatives to a town where I walked in, I literally was like, uh-uh, bring me up out of here. Where y'all got me? We y'all got me. This ain't no family reunion. We're gonna be in here in a structured learning environment. My family act up, all of us act up, and I'll be the one on the sideline. You want me to be in the class with them all day? But uh moving to the city changed my life. My mom, uh, she she had got a um a job at the university during that time, and the opportunities that was granted to us were beyond educational, educationally and everything, like just exposure to things that based on, you know, the conversations me and my mom had, like, people never encouraged her to go to college. They didn't make her feel as though she could go to college. Some people blatantly said, you know, well, where are you gonna work when you get out of school? Because college not for you, type of thing. And for us, she wanted us to be able to see all of our options. And so that I was really grateful for that. But on the flip side, you know, uh growing up in a city was rough and it was hard. And there was a lot of trauma for me that I didn't really get to process at the time. I didn't process it until I was an adult or married or, you know, different phases of your life, you process different things as you realize it's trauma. So um, when I got uh pregnant with Tristan, my oldest at 18 actually. And uh a big part of my story was I felt like I let down a lot of people. Tristan's such a blessing. And you know, all my kids are a blessing and they all have a some level of a call on them. But uh with Tristan, I mature very quickly. But it it brought me to a point where I had to learn so much about myself and about survival. From having Tristan, probably even up until now, I haven't been able to turn off survival mode. And that's it's been hard. Um because no matter how my life is, whether it's from the outside looking in or just what it is, my brain still functions as it's in survival mode. And I'm trying to unlearn some of those behaviors. That's why when you you tell me about myself, it's so hard to accept sometimes because my mind is just like on go, go, go. And I'm that's the phase I'm in now where I'm trying to calm my nervous system. Like that, but you don't have to be like that no more. Um, that was a big part, you know. It's it's tough to talk about some of the stuff, you know? Like, you know, stuff with my dad. I I was in a two-parent household, loved it. Daddy's girl, okay. But um, I seen a lot, I was exposed to a lot. It shaped me, made me who I I am. But sometimes it's just like, God, I I was really in a moment where I'm like, God, why? Why me?

SPEAKER_01:

When it shaped you, how? How did it shape you?

SPEAKER_02:

I'm an empath. Yeah. I never want people to feel misunderstood. Like when people feel misunderstood, it bothers me. When people feel rejected, it bothers me. When people don't have, it bothers me. And I just, you know, sometimes I'll sit back and observe and look and be like, God, what do you want me to do in this situation? How do you want to use me? And I'm not even exaggerating. I know that's like extreme, but I really do be like, well, God, well, I'm feeling this way. What do you want me to do with this? Like, do you want, do I move on it? Do I act on it? What do I do? Um, and so, you know, God positioned me a lot to be able to help others, regardless of where I am in my life. Whether it is showing up, showing up in different ways. But I went through what I went through so that I can help other people get through what they're going through. And it's a blessing.

SPEAKER_01:

But when you're going through it, like no blessing, it doesn't feel like it.

SPEAKER_02:

It doesn't feel like it. Like the stripping, the molding, the breaking, like man, the breaking, the breaking, the breaking. Um, when I probably when I was about 12, starting at about 12, I used to just as I'm going to school and everything, just praying to God, praying to God, God. I'll pray for everything. I I pray for the trees, but I I prayed for my husband at that time. I prayed for my family at that time. I prayed for all things that I thought would be big differences in my life as I got older. Like I would just pray. And then hit high school, I was going through things. I hate when people say kids don't go through things. I hate when people say that. Because whether you're fighting off the demons from generations before or or whatever, people go through stuff. I used to wake up um uh like at 5:30 to go to 6 a.m. prayer every day when I was in high school because I was battling stuff. I was battling not being able to under Oh God, here it comes.

SPEAKER_01:

It's okay, let it out. I've had my fair share. Let it out. Don't let it out too much, because then I'm gonna start crying. I'm gonna look at the camera.

SPEAKER_02:

Um one of my battles in life has been the people's term that neurodivergent thing. Okay. Because people don't a lot of people don't get it. They don't understand it. They don't understand it. Now it's become such a trend and a fad that people don't understand like how hard you had to work to get to where you are. You know what I'm saying? Like people are just like, oh, you so smart, or oh, you know everything, or you figure like you always gonna figure it out. And as much of a compliment it is, it's like I don't have no choice. But yeah, like if I just let this overtake me, my mind is always going. Like so when did you guys know that like were you diagnosed or you Yeah, but um for me, you know, I took an IQ test when I was like in third grade. And so they everybody knew that I was intelligent, right? Like, what would you do with that? So I went to a special I was sent to a special school um with all intelligent people. Um so when that environment, when you with a bunch of other people that have similar traits as you, it feels very normal. When you're taking out that environment, when I went to high school, I decided to go to um our our our city high school. We had like four high schools. So we had like a science and technology one, a private one, you had the vote, you know, and then we had like NBHS. And so I went to the regular high school and I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't like the the I went from like nine classes to four. And you gotta sit in that class block schedule and you gotta sit in there for an hour and a half, and it was really tripping me out. Like I just couldn't think straight in the classes, and I didn't say anything to my mom, but I used to skip school. I used to leave school and I'd go to the library. I would go to the library to teach myself, honestly. And I would I wasn't honest with my mom about it, I wasn't honest with anybody about it because I felt like they they depend the not dependent, expected me to be smart. And so when um I was skipping school my senior year, they basically said you got A's and B's, but if you don't come to school, you ain't gonna graduate. Right. And so I told my mom, I was like, just let me take the GD then because I can't go back. And she liked to lost her mind.

SPEAKER_01:

See how I just looked at you?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, he liked to lost her mind. She said, You going to school, you better figure it out. You going to school. But at the time, we didn't know why. So it wasn't until um I went to school and I went to school every day, y'all. My senior year after uh not every day, after I got in trouble, and my mom said, I ain't bothering you, they try to bring me to court, you know what I'm saying? Nobody got time to be. My mom don't play, y'all. She don't play. When she found out, I thought I thought it was over for my life. But but anyway, so um, you know what I happened. I walked, I I graduated um like top 10 or 20 percent of my class. Like I was good. I had probably the most scholarships anybody had. When I tell you my mom wasn't playing, she said you better figure out how to pay for college. I applied to every, I mean, everything, whether the school was sending in, I was going online, I was asking people, I was everything. So college was I had a full scholarship and I had a dance scholarship as well, um, to records. Uh so but I had Tristan. So turn, right? But um when I got to college, I said, this is worse. I said, hold on now. I I what? And then the campus was so big, I had to run from this side to that side to I could not, my brain, what it wasn't, I couldn't stay organized, I couldn't stay on top of my, I couldn't do anything. I knew it, I was processing the information, but for some reason, like whether it was sitting in a class or something else, I was just really difficult for me. So anyway, um, I ended up getting a diagnosis when I was um my first year of college. I was still 18. Yeah, so I was a teenager when I got diagnosed. Um, and I was just explaining. We had to like trace my whole backstory. Like, well, how did you respond when you were in elementary? Did you used to get out your seat a lot? Did you go do this? Like, I used to get in trouble for daydreaming all the time. Um, or just talking too much. Uh so we went through, I had to take a battery of assessment over and over and see a couple different um psychiatrists, and um, it was like all of them said the same thing. It was three things it was PTSD, it was ADHD, and it was anxiety from all those things. Um, so yeah, that has been like my personal biggest thing to get over because I feel like when people learn, like whether I befriend people or they see the things that I've accomplished, they feel like it came so easy. And it's like I'm like, yo. And it didn't. It just didn't. And it's not that, you know, it's okay how people get it. It's just like in my mind, I'm just like, people, I I just don't know how to express, like, well, thank you. I'm happy, I'm happy. It's like it's hard, it's hard to maintain too.

SPEAKER_01:

But why is so why do you feel like when they do give you the compliment that you have to let them know it was hard?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't. Okay. It's just something like I'm expressing. Okay, okay, gotcha. Yeah, I don't like if you are close friends, probably you don't only want to talk about that. Like, I don't even got to talk to my siblings and stuff about it because they know.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. But you probably the only person that I could vent to about stuff like that. But yeah, my siblings know my husband gets it because he gotta deal with the shenanigans because I'm always losing something. He be creating little spots for me. Put your keys here because I ain't looking for them again.

SPEAKER_01:

Put your keys here. That's because he'd been to the military. Right. I don't know what happened. Right.

SPEAKER_02:

He did go to school, a football school upstate in New York.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, there you go.

SPEAKER_02:

That might have, but I think he might have came out like that. Cause look at DJ.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_02:

They just got that trait. I love it because we balance each other out. Like, like I was telling you, I was like, um, he keeps us grounded and I keep us lifted. Like I keep us, like, you know. Right. And so we good, but yeah, I I don't share that with a lot of people because one, it's none of their business, but but now, but now y'all know. But two, it's just a a battle, uh battle inside sometimes. Gotcha. Yeah. You are silly. Let's get to your story because I did a lot of talking, girl.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, you did it. We're it's done. We're done, guys. She told her story, we done.

SPEAKER_02:

It's so much more to be done.

SPEAKER_01:

You don't want to hear about it.

SPEAKER_02:

We'll we'll start, we'll start there, but I'm sure some things you say is gonna be like, yo, because even being the single motherhood to find, I wasn't about to get married to nobody. My sister, my witness, but God sent them and said, This is what you're about to do.

SPEAKER_01:

This is what you thought you were about to do, right?

SPEAKER_02:

Because they was written off.

SPEAKER_01:

Girl, so I'm Josh. Hey Josh. I am, and I probably said this, y'all know by now, y'all know I got brothers, okay? But what y'all don't know is that growing up I had a sister. Yeah. Um, but my sister and I were not close. She didn't come around. Like, I probably spent two times with my sister out my whole entire life, right? So growing up, I had my mom, my dad, my sister. I'm sorry, not my sister, my brothers, my dog that I was terrified of. Let's throw that out there. I was scared of dogs. Dog owner. I was scared of dogs until I was like 12.

unknown:

Really?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I'm proud of you for getting over your fear. Yes, I was scared of dogs until I was like 12, but we always had Rottwallers in there, green. Oh, yeah. Then I was scared of them.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, they kind of be.

SPEAKER_01:

But back then, people kept their dogs outside.

SPEAKER_02:

Or in the basement.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, or in the basement in the wintertime. But the rest of the seasons, them dogs was outside. Yeah. In them dog houses, because that's what they made for. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. So it was always us. Um, I came from like a really big family, close with both sides, right? My mom's side and my dad's side, but extremely closer to my dad's side because they're here. Yeah. We're here. Um, growing up, I was extremely selfish. I didn't know that I was selfish until I grew up and went into my adult years. And people told you you were selfish? No, they didn't tell me I was selfish. People would say she don't know how to be a friend. And in my my mind, I'm like, yes, I do, because I'm loyal. I don't play about y'all. I'ma show up, but it was more to it was more to it than just what I thought. You know what I mean? Was a friendship, uh, whatever. I was just selfish. Like it was just me, me, me, me, me. But in this in the same instant, I wasn't selfish. Because I'm an empath. I'm always looking for looking out for people. I want to fix it. Like, you know what I mean? So, okay. Put that to the side. Dad passed away when I was young. Oh, yeah. So it made us be go from like the mom and you know, the whole family to just it's me, my mom, and my brothers. Um, what they don't know is that I used to be really lonely. Everybody was always older than me. Yeah. I was just like lonely. So I would stay at my friend's house. I would go to my friend's house all the time. And my mom would let me. And it was probably just because she knew I like I was the only girl, but um I was really, really like, not sad, just like felt alone. I stayed in church. This is the crazy thing, right? Me too. I was on the missionary, junior missionaries, the ushers, I was on the choir, I was a praise dancer, and nobody knew that I was lonely in it. Had everything I wanted. Um, my story compared to like my brother's stories, completely different, right? They seen a lot of other things, but um, especially when my dad passed away, like I was really like lonely in the inside. Um which is why I think I stopped smiling around that time. Um ear hug. Um so to backtrack, when my dad passed away, I always joke around and I say, you know, he took something with me. But I mean that. He took something with him. Yeah, he took something with him. Like I mean that. Um just because someone laughs doesn't mean they're smiling, right? So um I I didn't smile a lot. Um had everything I wanted. Um became titled like a mean girl. But I wasn't mean. I was hard on the outside because I had to be, you know, that daddy that love that sometimes you need a man. Um daughter, father, that love was like taken. Give me another second. Yeah, she won't take a second.

SPEAKER_02:

Give me another one. Um and she lost her dad when she was relatively young. Yeah, you know, I lost mine in my 20s. So, you know, it's it's a little different, but I understand the mot the father-daughter relationship.

SPEAKER_01:

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02:

And so I guess so.

SPEAKER_01:

To go from that, um, to and to just being like me, my brothers, and my mom, I had to be strong. Because that's what I'm seeing, right? Yes, I'm spoiled, but I gotta be tough. I gotta be strong on the outside. Like, we don't cry. We don't, you know what I mean? If I'm crying, it's because I wanted to go to limited two and y'all didn't take me, or I wanted to go to Strawbridges, or what I wanted from Strawbridges wasn't there, and I'm mad. Like, but I was I was like tough on the outside, but like said, not sad. It wasn't sad though. It was like something was missing on the inside, right? So something's missing, but instead of people, and and it's no one's fault, instead of people understanding that or knowing that, they're just like, Josh is mean. Josh always got something to say because Josh's not gonna let you talk to her any type of way. I learned that from a very young age. Yeah, and you just not gonna treat me bad, or and if you rub me the wrong way, it's over. So I was um growing up, I was labeled as the mean one. She mean, she rude, whatever, I don't care. Um was supposed to be going to Clark, Atlanta for college, got pregnant. That my plans to go to Clark, Atlanta just changed. Um got pregnant one time, got pregnant another time, got pregnant another time. After that, same person. Did I learn my lesson the first time? No, because the lesson that was supposed to be. Supposed to be learned was not it wasn't a lesson at the time because I wasn't ready for it. You know what I mean? It wasn't there was nothing to be taught. There was nothing to learn because I couldn't see anything. Um back and forth with my kids' dad, dealing with somebody who in your face like you, but behind your back telling everybody he don't like you, he don't this, he don't do that. Yeah, like so I dealt with that. And because I have brothers, um, one thing you don't do when you're dealing with somebody, you don't involve your family in every little thing. Because the minute you forgive that person, they ain't forgiving. They don't forgive, they don't forget nothing. So a lot of the stuff I dealt with with my kids' dad, it was on me. Because I could have had I had an out, right? But because I had my mom and I had my dad, but then I lost my dad. I always to myself was like, I want my family, I don't care what it takes. I want to I want my making sense now. I wanted my kids to I've said this from the very beginning. All of my children that I ever had were gonna have the same dad. Do I feel that way now?

SPEAKER_02:

No, not at the expense of me.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, no, no, no, do I feel that way now? No, because I don't look at him that person the same way. You know what I mean? So um have all the have my kids, love my kids. Once I had my first son's survival mode started for me, not immediately, because I was young, I was dumb. Kids' dad was doing his thing, like money. Yeah, I had social security from my dad. Like the money was coming in, like I wasn't worried about anything. So um, yeah, I was I was just young and dumb. Like, ah, you couldn't tell me nothing.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so financially you was good because you had older siblings, all brothers, you had your mom, you had social security, he had a good job.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, my uh he had a job. So I was fine. Um life start life. Um I went through something. Most of my most of my PTSD and the trauma that I have comes from that area of my life. Um some things happened when I was younger that I don't talk about. Um my dad passed away. Of course, that's traumatic. But most of my trauma comes from being a mom. Yeah. Like I was not um I worked once I started working, first of all, I had my first job at 16, right? But I didn't have to have that job. Like it wasn't a must that I needed to work. Right. Um, so once I decided, like, you know what, I don't want to be waiting for nobody to give me no money. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm gonna start working. Never stopped working. Um I've been in survival mode ever since. Pregnancies were not fun for me. Um the love that I wanted to have was not there. Um it wasn't there, you know what I mean? Like all a lot of my trauma came from being a mom. That's good.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So uh maybe um, I don't know. I'm not even about to keep going into the whole trauma with the mom part, but that's hard because we don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, we are we don't talk about that. We might transition to the next episode to talk about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, we don't talk about that. We don't talk about being young and being in love and not caring and just putting up, and I knew better than to put up with certain things that I allowed, but again, the stereotypes. Because for one, when I got pregnant, the church that I was attending, they talked about me like a dog.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, let's talk about it real quick because there's people like that, and I was really hurt. But I I I'm I had some great people though. I did, so I'm not gonna get down. Absolutely. Yeah, like you guys know who you are, exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

But the other ones, the other ones, the thing about me, right? When I got pregnant with my son, TMI, when I lost my, you know what I mean? The church was talking about me, but y'all wasn't talking about the primers and the praise dancers.

SPEAKER_02:

That was I feel the same way.

SPEAKER_01:

And I can say that because I'm grown, and y'all had 13 and 14-year-olds on my on that dance ministry doing more than dancing for Jesus. Let's talk about it because I was in the same situation as you, and I'm like that goes into church hurt, mom trauma, being a mom, having just dealing with stuff, just completely in survival mode. Um, trying to trying to be there for people, and they're not understanding nobody ever, what I did realize when I was called a bad friend and I was not a good person, nobody ever thought about what was Josh going through. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like nobody ever thought that. Y'all just thought because I wasn't showing up, I couldn't show up in that moment, or I didn't show up how they wanted me to show up. That's usually what I was a bad friend. You know what I mean? So that, yeah, so that was hard. But then I started working, you know, working in my career. I did not go right to college. Um, all of my HR, for the most part, all of my HR experience was gained, period. Um I I was I didn't want to be an HR um professional. I wanted to be a radiologist. Really?

SPEAKER_03:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01:

I wanted to be a radiologist. I had my interview, I had one interview, um, and this lady she worked for the state of New Jersey, and she looked at me and she said, I see something in you that I don't think you see in yourself.

SPEAKER_00:

She said that.

SPEAKER_01:

She said, You are gonna go, I'm getting chills right now thinking about it. She said, You are gonna go so far, HR, and you don't you only here for a front desk reception position. Thank God for those people who are obedient to what God tell them to do. Oh my gosh, yes. Because before that, I was I worked at the hospital. I worked, I'm a I was a youth advocate for a boys' home. Like, don't play about my boys. Like, I I'm just destined to be around boys, right? Um, but yes, she spoke that into me. And next thing you know, now I'm here. So that's my story. I know it's so much more. It's always so much more that's just a synopsis because we'll be here forever. We will. Um, I had a book club one time. I just wish she was just gonna drop that or just try to. Because I had a book club, I don't have none no more, but I love the youth. So mom hurt, survival mode. I'm still here. Um, I'm blessed. I have four great kids. Um, I have a great village. That's my story.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you for sharing your story. I've been listening. Yeah, because it's hard. Like, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think our story, someone needs to hear our story, right? For sure. Because there's out this is how I feel. There's always a younger me out there struggling and I can't see the future. But I tell you what, if you just hold on and you stay true to who you are, because it's never what they call you, it's what you answer to. I know that's right. So you just stay true to who you are. That little girl out there that always got something to say, keep saying it. Don't shut up for nobody, just know what to say, when to stay in the house and say it. Yeah, I'm trying to raise my daughter to know that.

SPEAKER_02:

But keep talking. Like, Lord, she ain't got her mama personality. Because you can't shut listen.

SPEAKER_01:

But yeah, so I'm I'm just blessed. So somebody out there needs to hear our stories. Keep your story for the next generation. Because we just have to, we're just here to teach one. Each one teach.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and we we'll we'll go back into some other parts of our story as y'all continue to listen to the podcast because there's so many facets of us, there's so much to learn. Even though we experienced whatever traumas, like God still showed up, God still provided, He really positioned us, and that is so important for people to know and understand. Like, well, giving your story, how did you achieve certain things? Yeah, you know, right? Um, because a lot of people they be stuck in that story and they don't rewrite it.

SPEAKER_01:

They don't rewrite it, and you can rewrite your story at any moment, any chapter, wherever you want to begin again, you can do it. Yes, you can begin again. Like you don't have your and I'm preaching to the choir right now, God. You don't have to stay in anything longer than what you would like to. Yeah, you can begin again, it's okay. It's okay. So what's your story? Somebody tell us go to um go to co-pilot at the top of your screens and tell them your story real fast so they can summarize it. Put it in our comments. I'm like, let us know what is your story, yeah. And again, thank you guys so much for the thousand um subscribers, the hundred downloads.

SPEAKER_02:

We're so appreciative, so happy, and keep rocking with us because it's so much I think we all can teach one another, learn from one another, encourage one another. Yeah, I'm always here for it. Like, I know I know God called me to just inspire. Like, I used to just be like, God, I literally just ask God, what do you want me to do in this moment? What do you want me to do? Whether it's inspire, encourage, you know, empower. Like God has put me in so many positions to do those things. And I'm I'm I'm chosen. I tell myself that all the time, you're chosen, you're anointed. Yeah, you know, you gotta, you gotta sometimes affirm yourself and repeat back to yourself what God told you about you. So if anybody's still in it, affirm yourself. God chose you, he called you. What did he call you to do? Change that story up, you're on the right track, you got this, and we here for it. We wanna see all we want to see the glow up, okay?

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, and my pastor on Sunday taught about talk about being the miracle. So every day you look at yourself in that mirror, you remind yourself I'm a miracle because I couldn't walk in her shoes, she couldn't walk in my shoes. Now we got similar shoes. We do probably got red and I got maroon, but very similar shoes. Very similar shoes, but they're her shoes and they're my shoes. And when we look in that mirror, we we are miracles. Yeah, I am a miracle. You are a miracle, whatever you're going through right now. Listen, tough times don't last long. Tough people do strong, and we don't always want to be strong because one day, sis, we ain't gonna be in survival mode. Yep, we're gonna be in our naked women era. So just keep going. Keep going. It's okay to not be okay, but keep going. Do not let the world, do not let your thoughts, do not let people, nothing bring you down to the point where you feel like you can't dig yourself back up out and up. Keep it going and buy me a coffee. Why is a coffee? Because I'm on a diet.

SPEAKER_02:

I need some wine right now. Wine has sugar in it. But yeah, so yes, buy us a coffee, buy us a tea, all that good stuff. And thank you so much for supporting us. We really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01:

We was doing the wrong thing.

SPEAKER_02:

Over just blocking it. But all right.

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Desiree Underwood-Williams

Co-host
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Joshlin Bartley

Co-host