Women In Black

Embracing Change: How to Let Go, Adapt, and Walk in Your Purpose

• WIB • Season 1 • Episode 9

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Change starts within — but it’s not always easy. In this episode, we talk about what it really means to let go, embrace change, and walk boldly in your purpose. From corporate life to motherhood and faith, we share how to adapt when God is calling you into a new season. Expect laughter, honesty, and those “I needed to hear this” moments that remind you it’s okay to evolve.

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SPEAKER_02:

Be careful what you attach yourself to and then calling it your purpose. Like it could be a gift, but is it your purpose?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, it really was mind-boggling because I just couldn't understand. My mind wasn't processing. Why would you do that? Telling you that we could get get it like this and like this. Why aren't you trying?

SPEAKER_02:

Because sometimes we'd be expecting someone with a broken leg to run as fast as us.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like we don't know their traumas, we don't know their triggers. We don't know their capabilities.

SPEAKER_03:

You can say all you want, like you know, God this, God that. You can know the whole Bible. You can know the word. But if you don't apply the word, you don't believe in that word, you don't have faith in that word, and you don't trust his word, all you have is some words.

SPEAKER_01:

Where am I shooting? Woman in black is where we put down the case and pick up the mic, being authentically who we are, where we are, unmasked, unfiltered, and unapologetic.

SPEAKER_03:

So today is the day that the Lord has made. Let us be glad. Rejoice in it. Okay. Every day is the day that he has made. Did you want me to sing with you? You don't have to.

SPEAKER_02:

I ain't saying. I feel like you was looking at me like when you gonna sing it. Oh I well, I was gonna do that anyway. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Anyway. How are you today, Desiree? I'm good. Look at those bars. How are you today, Desiree? Damn. I probably should start writing some.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, sometimes you don't know what your gift is until you just slide into it. And you be like, Jesus. I didn't know as good as this. Anyway. Um sorry. So today, I'm I'm good. I'm feeling empowered. I'm feeling more clear on the direction God wants me to move in my life. Um, a lot of change is happening. Uh change, change is good though. Like some people see change as being so bad or they don't like change. Maybe maybe because of past circumstances or, you know, just set in their ways. But I'm embracing this new season in my life and I'm not upset about it. Wow.

SPEAKER_03:

I just got to chill.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, yeah, because God will interrupt. God will literally interrupt what you're doing and say, do this because somebody needs to hear it. Or do this because I need I need to release you in this moment. But how are things with you? How things going.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm chilling. Chilling. I got some great confirmation. Right. But I'm good. Um, I'm just I'm so grateful. Even the little things. It's like the little, I've just been so grateful lately. Right. Guys like that. He likes that all the time. He really is. So yeah, I'm just grateful. So I want to put a disclaimer out there. Okay. Okay. When we are on our podcast, our capes are down. We are our natural selves. Like what you guys are seeing is what our kids see. What our family see. Not what corporate America sees. But do not get it twisted. We get the job done. And we get paid. And we are extremely professional. Right now, we are in our at work, we're comfortable. But when we're home, we are in our when we down here at PP's lounge, we are comfortable. You see her? She kind of looked dead. But we are comfortable. So I just wanted to throw that out there. Like, just because we comfortable, we got our hoodies on, we know how to throw on that collar shirt with them heels and them dress pants and that blazer.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. When we have to. When we have to. So just wanted to throw that out. Yeah, because sometimes and sometimes, you know, I was in this um McKenzie Leadership Academy. It's a uh um, most people know McKenzie and Company. It's like a large uh consulting company. So I went through their their leadership academy, and one thing they always ask was, are you being authentically you at your job? People was getting on me because I said, no, no, unless I could come come to work with sweatpants on and sneakers, no. And I I don't, I think that question means different things to different people, but it gets tiring sometimes with to have to perform, to always have to be on, to always have to be just like professional days. Like it without a balance, yeah, it is hard. Like I understand the respect that comes with looking a certain way and presenting yourself a certain way. All those things are important. I will never discount them in a professional environment. I do feel they are important depending on what type of business you're doing, whether that importance is because it's what's ingrained in our society or not, it's important because that's what the world we live in says is important. Period. Like it is what it is. Now, I be needing a break. I mean need a break. And so this is our break. And it's important for people to know like there is a space for the women who need to take their cape off, for the men who need to take their cape off.

SPEAKER_03:

Who need that break?

SPEAKER_02:

Who need the break because it had the pendulum has to be able to sway both ways. You can't, it's just you're not always up. That's just not the force. That what goes up must come down. Like you have to keep a balance in your life. You need that balance for to survive.

SPEAKER_03:

And it's okay to take a break. We're not robots, we're not. It's okay to take a break. So if you you guys are following us and subscribe to us, come on, come on in and take that break with us.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. We need it, we need it. So, you know, love y'all, McKenzie. We'll work together again in the future. Authentic, everything that comes out my mouth will be from Desiree. Who I am will never be fake.

SPEAKER_03:

Right, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

But them clothes in corporate, when I start being able to go to work like this, then I'll say I'm authentic.

SPEAKER_03:

Now, let me tell you something. Sometimes, no, I have never worn a hoodie to work. Who could wear not in corporate, but I do have dressed down days where I wear jeans. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02:

What could you imagine? I would love it. What? I'd be wiggling my toes and I would be so happy to wear my toes. No, my toes would be in freedom. Because I listen, culture shift. If you ask me, I might have a different perception of workplace culture and what could really allow people to elevate and do their best work.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll be honest with you. My perception of it is like, let's meet in the middle. That's my perception. Like, look well groomed, look presentable, but I don't need you in a suit and tie.

SPEAKER_03:

That's that's how I think ever since um COVID happened, a lot of franchises have like brought it brung it down a little bit. Because I I haven't worn a dress suit, a pair suit in a long time. In a long time. So yes, but I know there are some engagements that do require me to dress dress up more. You know what I mean? Um, but yeah, I just want to throw that out there to let y'all know, like we are her. She's her, I'm her, we are hers. But right now, we tired. We need up right now. We freak. Yes, yes. So just to jump right in, today we are going to discuss how change starts within. Wow. What are some possibly old traits that you had um or behaviors that you've changed or still need to change, and why it's important, why the change is important.

SPEAKER_02:

That's so crazy. Um especially since I'm not even really over the past two years. Um we've been about to talk about work, but I'm gonna say this part real quick. Um I had to create a change management framework and change management playbook um for our companies. We have a a conglomerate of companies um so that we can excel at change. Um, even when I think of some of those principles, they're they really get to the core of just humans, like who we are, how we uh respond to things and what we need. And so when I think about my life right now, I'm thinking about I have that playing in the back of my head because I'm a people's person. So when something big is happening, whether it be in a world at work, at home, I'm always worried about well, how's this gonna affect, you know, my kids? How's it gonna affect this? How's it gonna affect? Like, I I need people to feel comfortable with change. And then sometimes you don't get a forewarning, it just happens. Right. Like change is is is crazy. But um when we talk about what we need to change, like just being specific, I I needed to change how I was attacking my gift, how I was executing my gift in the world. Because I used to speak like everything could be a business. I know. Like I really feel that way. Like I say, if I'm eating it, I'm gonna buy it. I'm gonna have stock in it. If I like this, maybe I should own it or create my own. If I if I talk about this, we're talking about it anyway. Might as well set up a camera and make it a podcast. We're gonna talk about it with the same level of passion on or off camera. Like, that's how my brain works. Like everything is seen as an opportunity. There's not a lot that I see that's not an opportunity. Where the change came in was that doesn't mean it's your opportunity. That doesn't mean what I want, that's what I want you to do. That doesn't mean that that's your purpose in this earth. Be careful what you attach yourself to and then calling it your purpose. Yeah. Like it could be a gift, but is it your purpose? And so I know I have a gift of strategy, like just looking at things as ooh, but just because I could buy a Rolls Royce doesn't mean I you should.

SPEAKER_03:

I want that I need to.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that I need to, or that I even should. And what's your reasons for wanting to? Right. So I I think that's the reality I'm sitting in right now. Because I really, really always on. God says, sit your behind Dale and chill out and talk to me. Let's have a conversation about your purpose. And he stopped me in my tracks. And so now I'm having conversations with God about my purpose. That'll do it. The soft hustle. Gotta chill, gotta sit down, gotta walk in purpose. That's my shift. My change is understanding you could go nowhere fast if you don't be obedient to the call that's on your life. Obedience versus that sacrifice, that grind, sacrificing my time. So I'm about to get this money. Oh, I see this object. No. What you working on?

SPEAKER_03:

I had to stop my changes. I had to stop expecting everyone to think like me, to understand like me, to have the heart like me. Like I had to change that mentality. Right. Because things would happen. I and it really was mind-boggling because I just couldn't understand. My mind wasn't processing. Why would you do that? Or why, if you see, if I'm telling you that we could get get it like this and like this, why aren't you trying? Like me expecting other people to be like hustlers and go-getters, just like me, like for cause. I excuses when people say, Oh, I can't get the job, or there's no jobs, or it's so hard for me. That I'm still working on understanding when people say that because I'm like, what's wrong with you? All you have to do is this, this, this, this, and this. So it's hard. I'm I'm literally working on that because that's hard for me to not understand why people don't think like. Can I say something about that?

SPEAKER_02:

Because sometimes we be expecting someone with a broken leg to run as fast as us. It's like we don't know their traumas, we don't know their triggers, we don't know their capabilities. Everybody is not capable, they weren't gifted with that measure of grace that God gave you to do certain things. And we keep expecting this one.

SPEAKER_03:

We keep expecting it.

SPEAKER_02:

And they weren't created to. Exactly. They were created to be that type type of person that's gonna work for you.

SPEAKER_03:

That's exact exactly. There we go. Everyone was not meant to be a leader. No, everyone can't be a chief. We gotta have some Indians out there, and that's okay, and that's okay, but for a long time, I'm starting to see like the last year or so, I'm just starting to really feel comfortable with the change, uh, with understanding that that's okay. Because it was just like, what's wrong? Like, I'm like, y'all crazy. Like, what's wrong with y'all? And one of my brothers said to me one time, like, the thing is, is like you go hard and then you expect other people to go hard just like you, right? And when they don't go hard just like you, you cut them off immediately.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, because you were lacking the understanding at the time, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, so that it's just like because like even it and that goes for anything, right? But yeah, it was just like, you're right. And did you have to cut them off? Understanding people for who they are and accepting them for who they are is huge. Accepting things for how they are.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I think there's a difference. You don't have to accept things for how they are, but still accept them for who they are.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, let's say in the in the workplace, right? And you know my um, not my pre my current job, but my previous job, um, I had someone say to me, if you're looking for a place that makes sense, it's not here. Yeah. They told me that day two, me being who I am, it was not processing that what she said was what she meant.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

So I came in still trying to change everything because it didn't make sense when she already told me it didn't make sense. So I because it's not how I expected it to be, right? And y'all like, what's wrong with y'all? That y'all don't know that these policies don't make sense. Like, what's wrong with you people? What is wrong with y'all? So what I did was I put more frustration on myself because they already told me exactly who they were. They told me that. Yeah. So why didn't I why didn't I just say, okay, they already told me? No, I always want to change other people.

SPEAKER_02:

Cause you that because that's the problem, right? And I hear you now. So you're saying, okay, yeah, that approach ain't gonna work. You rely on it, yeah. You gotta change yourself, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I did. I had to change the environment. I had to change myself, I had to get myself up out of that environment instead of going there every day, like because only two ways you it's only two ways you can do it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. You can either you can either change your perspective of it and say, okay, this is my paycheck, let me level up. Because I can't, it's not working for me. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03:

Um, or you can start moving exactly how they're moving. So changing your perspective again, but to their perspective.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I would never probably no, I wasn't even gonna give that as a suggestion.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, I I was gonna say I can't do that.

SPEAKER_02:

No, because I no, no. When I say the how, like I could say I like the who versus the how. I understand that people are who they are, but I don't have to accept that. And so that's where the how changes in. So it's like either I'ma sit here and work this job for what it is and have an exit plan, or I'm gonna sit here and I'ma change it, but not probably not the way you went about it, right? Cause I'll probably I only say that because of what I had to change.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, you it was so this particular company, there was no changing. Yeah, and you know, places like that, like real old schoolstone, and you probably tried to change it for too long. And but and the thing is, I wasn't the only person, and what that what and they would say, like, you know, such and such, you know, before she left, yeah, she was trying to do the same thing you were trying to do, right? And for me, I'm like, because I'm really when it comes to my, you know, what I do for a living, I'm really passionate about it. So to come in and just to see y'all just like y'all don't want to change with the time.

SPEAKER_02:

And you know, it's nothing wrong with anything that you said or that you did, because you did what you were supposed to do.

SPEAKER_03:

I did, and I left I let what, and this is one thing about me. Um, not that I'm not too in my own horn, but if you come across anyone that I've worked with, you know, come across anybody that I haven't gotten into it with, and probably they could probably say it too. But I leave a little razzle dazzle wherever I any room that I step out of, I leave a little razzle dazzle behind. So, yeah, although they didn't want to change, my razzle dazzle is still in the meetings. Well, Josh said this, but that's exactly like that's where I was almost like trying to get to with that.

SPEAKER_02:

Is we talked about this with football a little bit. It might not have been your purpose or your call to do that part, but maybe it was your call to open the door. Yeah, maybe, and because some things require levels of it, and but yeah, it really does, but also like God's not gonna keep you in confusion and all of that. So he's like, You served your purpose, yep. It's time to move on, yep. And then you and but the good thing is your name is still echoing, right? And so as Josh is moving up and they hearing Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, dang, I knew that girl was on to something. The next person comes in and they like maybe we'll listen to them. You know what I'm saying? Because it really that type of stuff does happen. I have worked on projects where I'm like I said this five years ago, and it didn't happen to that person, said it. Y'all know what I'm talking about. It didn't happen to that person, said it, but God told me you did exactly what you were supposed to do. It wasn't even been a seed in their mind. It wasn't even they wouldn't even been pushed to go to that next level if they weren't introduced to it by you.

SPEAKER_03:

It's like it just it's interesting. And you just said something the week before last, maybe the week, maybe two weeks ago, three weeks ago, when I went to church in Englewood, um, he he talked about how when the church they were celebrating their church anniversary. The church has been around for a minute, I forget how long, but the first pastor in there, he built the church for like 1800 people. But the committee could not see why he was building that church for that many people, right? He didn't get to bring those people in there, but the next pastor brung that crowd in there, right? And then the current pastor keeps the crowd, and it's currently you get what I'm saying, adding on top. So it's levels, like you said, it's different layers. Like his purpose was to build it, the next ones was to get them in there, and the current is keeping them and adding on, so and that's change management, like that really is.

SPEAKER_02:

And if we can apply it to ourselves, we'll understand life better. Like, because it's like I said, there's so many parallels for me because God has been speaking to me through my job for years because it's a lot that I couldn't understand. We God gifted us with the ability to look at things and maybe see the finish line between before a lot of other people can. Like, that's just a gift He gave us. Yes, but it's a gift that He gave us.

SPEAKER_03:

So that is that was a part of my problem. Like, why can't y'all see it? And I can like why can't y'all see it? And then that's like doses. Um, people wear glasses for a reason. Yes, if they take those glasses off, they can't see, right? So we all can't see the same thing, but that was a big problem. Like, why why can't y'all see it? And I can like why can't you see that you have this in you, but I can see it. Like that was that's that has been the toughest thing for me. Like, because I can lay out a plan for anybody, yeah.

unknown:

Why didn't you do it?

SPEAKER_03:

Why why you think this so hard? And and all I see is Uno Dolph, Uno Dolce. That's all I see, but you don't see that because they can't speak, they can't read Spanish.

SPEAKER_02:

There you go.

SPEAKER_03:

There you go.

SPEAKER_02:

We're not even speaking, listen, we we gossipren, we speak in the language of God. We have our faith glasses on, we don't know what glasses they got on. Exactly. You feel me? Yeah, but God really gave us the ability. One thing I learned about people, I see you got something on your mind.

SPEAKER_03:

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02:

Hold it. I'm holding it. Go ahead. One thing that I learned about people is a lot of people have to take things in doses and stages and bits and pieces. Like, and God will give every part of that picture to somebody else sometime for all y'all to come together and create the bigger picture. But sometimes that vision, if you're a visionary and you're a strategist, you're gonna see the beginning, the middle, and the end. But some people only catch on to one piece or the other. And so that should tell you one of the gifts that God gave you, like that gift to create, that gift to see what other people can't see. You you got your glasses on, you got your gift, you got, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03:

Like God gifted you with that, but unfortunately, everyone, that's not everyone's gift, and I think it comes a part of it comes with um spiritual maturity. Um, because somebody can pretend that they're seeing what I'm seeing. Yo, give me cracker yet, because I know you're for real. Like I've had somebody pretend that they saw exactly what I was seeing, but you can only pretend for so long. Yeah. So meanwhile, you was pretending, you thought, because okay, because Josh is doing this, I gotta come with, I gotta just sound like I'm doing something. So I gotta sound like this and that. And then once God really revealed who you were, that was hard for me. Because you came in here acting like you seen through my vision goggles. Yeah, right, right. And you don't see nothing. I see color, you see black and white. Yeah. So it's this, and I'm and I'm spiritually mature. Everybody isn't spiritually mature.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

So I have to always take that in account too, because you can say all you want, like, you know, God this, God that. You could know the whole Bible, you could know the word, but if you don't apply the word, you don't believe in that word, you don't have faith in that word, and you don't trust his word, all you have is some word. Where are my shoes? That's all you have is some word on paper. Yeah, that's all you have.

SPEAKER_02:

Word without relationships.

SPEAKER_03:

I tell you all the time, I don't know why people be scared. I ain't scared of nothing. That's how God built it. Like, I'm really I try my whole trust. Like, I'm not saying like I don't get weary sometimes because I do, that's normal. But once I get up, God, I know you got it. Even in it, God, I know you got it, but let me feel this right now.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because I mean, we're in a human body for a reason. So, I mean, there's God understands there's gonna be times like that, but he's gonna remind us of who we are.

SPEAKER_03:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

So, yeah, girl, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Everybody don't see. So, what's something that you you guys need to change or have changed, or you know, want to or in the process of changing? Yeah, what is it? We wanna know. I'm about to change from having four kids in the house to three. Oh, child, you'd be about to go to college. Are you gonna be okay? You're like, am I? Listen, I'm not gonna give y'all that fairy tale that's gonna be like, I miss my kid so much. I'ma miss my kid when he goes to college, but he ain't gonna, he's not gonna. We already had this discussion where he can't go too far where I can't drive to him. Okay. So if I want to go see him, BB, exactly. Or, you know, of course, we'll talk every day, but am I gonna miss him being in the house? Getting on my nerves? He don't get on my nerves, but he does some other things that get on my nerves. No, I'm not. I know, girl. No, I'm with you in that one. I'm almost at the finish line. No, I'm not. I almost would have been the last one.

SPEAKER_02:

Jace just wanted to pop us on the pop up.

SPEAKER_03:

Like, yeah, I almost would have been finished, but no, he's about to go to college, so we're about to change. And I pray for the people that don't know how to change because that's a gift for me. I can adapt. Yeah, it's very easy for me to adapt in any room. It's hard for me to understand why people don't change and people don't think like me, but I can adapt any room you put me in, except a farm, except like being on a farm ground. I don't think I ever can adapt.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, yo, I gotta send you this real under taking care of these far animals, acting like he a southern black woman. Not even listen, he was a southern black woman mixed with a ratchet black woman from the hood. Yo, he was cursing them animals out. Like, oh, you wanna poop them? I got something for you. I got like but I can see that though.

SPEAKER_03:

Can't you see how we just act up with our can you imagine? First of all, that's how I be doing the dogs now. This is how I talk to the dogs now. Like, you knew better than that. Why you gonna sit and let them make a noise? Especially that chopper, like you wanna sit here and do that chopper, and here go the kids. He knows what you're saying because he does. Like, what's wrong with you, boy? I am cracking. Yeah, so let us know. Change starts within. That's what I'm gonna leave y'all with.

SPEAKER_02:

It does. It's a lot that we need to realize about ourselves and be okay with. Like, you have to recognize these things before you're even able to change it. Able to change it, yeah. You have to be able to really take some time to reflect and ask yourself, well, why do I feel this way? Why do I feel that way about them?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, you know, and it doesn't even have to be that deep. Yeah, it doesn't. Because what I had to change was I had to stop drinking coffee. That's why I need y'all to buy me a tea. Because coffee gives me the jitters, yeah. So I had to change it. So now I drink like chai tea and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And it's gonna be okay. Yeah, it's the methylation pathway, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So yeah, so yes, let us know what you got.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, let us know. We're here for it. Yeah, I got this. See ya.

SPEAKER_03:

Hey.

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Desiree Underwood-Williams

Co-host
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Joshlin Bartley

Co-host